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Unfuck Yourself S1E5: Alexis Morgan

alexis

We don’t recommend drinking anything while watching this episode.

S1E5: Truth, Justice, and Liberation with Alexis Morgan

Alexis P. Morgan is hilarious. She’s the pole-dancing, sword-wielding, democratic socialist, Pan-Germanic Heathen, on-the-low-heaux sorceress Pat Robertson warned you about. She makes her cheddar as a professional writer, facilitator, artist, ritualist, and priestess. Devoted to Truth, Justice, and Liberation, she lives in the spirit of foremothers before her: unbossed, unbought, and unbothered.

IN THIS EPISODE
– How the Church of Saint Felicia was born
– How spirituality influences activism and how spirituality and magic and ethics and business and activism all work together
– “We have to preserve abundance, it won’t just keep abundance-ing.”
– “If you are a member of a dominant class, you don’t have a place in the conversation about the oppressed group’s liberation.”
– Wealth we are creating for everyone vs. wealth we are accumulating for ourselves.
– Capitalism is Terrorism (Hi, Gary)
– “Wealth does not protect you from your social sins.”
– Reallocating resources

And a lot more!

FIND ALEXIS
www.thechurchofsaintfelicia.com
www.medium.com/@alxpmorgan
https://www.facebook.com/muvamermaid

REFERENCES
– Ryan Edward // http://inset.cards

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Unfuck Yourself Show Season One Episode Five

Truth, Justice, and Liberation with Alexis P. Morgan

[http://www.unfuckyourselfshow.com/s1e5-alexis-morgan/]

 

WELCOME

[music]

Jess: Welcome back to Episode 5 of Unfuck Yourself, the show about reclaiming you. I’m Jess.

Sydney: And I’m Sydney. We have Alexis Morgan in the house.

Alexis: Hi.

Sydney: Alexis is here to be awesome and grace you with her presence. She made this shirt– this is not a costume. Alexis, tell us a little bit about yourself and get ready to wow all these folks.

 

TRUTH, JUSTICE, and LIBERATION WITH ALEXIS P. MORGAN

Alexis: I am just going to read my official bio because it is a lot cuter than my own personal introduction, in my honest opinion.

I am a professional shit-stirrer. I am a writer. I am an artist. I am a priestess and a ritualist. I basically chase white bros around the Internet with a sword or slingshots, depending on how I am feeling. That’s me. I am a random little woman from the Internet who happens to catch a lot of attention for having very strong opinions. Also welding metaphorical swords because pen, mighty– you all get it.

Jess: I love it. You also have the church of Saint Felicia. You have a really cool story of how that came about.

Alexis: St. Felicia was an unintentional joke turned really profound intersectional feminist art piece, turned performance art, turned actual name of my blog, turned something quite sacred and real. About 2 years ago, I was living with my now ex-boyfriend/person/creature and he is white and I am obviously not, even though I try to pass as Caucasian and they don’t believe me. He was getting on my nerves on night and I very tongue and cheek prayed to St. Felicia that I didn’t smother him with a pillow in his sleep because he was wildly out of pocket in doing his white student bullshit. This kind of turned into a whole thread just going back and forth rather organically making jokes about St. Felicia.

For those of you that don’t know, there is a good number of white folks, Felicia is a character in a classic movie. Felicia is in a rough spot. She is probably addicted to drugs. She has been abused and she has probably some form of sex worker. Felicia just doesn’t have a good life. So, when you say ‘Bye Felicia’, it makes a reference to that. But anyways it turned into this joke, I was like, “You know what? I am going to make some candles.” You know one of those really badass candles with the screen printed. I was like I am going to make these candles and sell these Saint Felicia candles or I am going to sell these St. Felicia rosaries. That’s how the character of Saint Felicia was born.

Long story short, I end up partnering with my fabulous friend, Ryan Edwards who is an incredible illustrator. He ended up drawing her for me. She actually came out gorgeous– I have the tank on. The church of St. Felicia was born. Really at the end of the day, it’s about my spiritual work in the world centering and listing the least among us– that is a really tight way of putting it. The people who are most at the fringes and who are at the edges doing the work that is related to truth, justice, and liberation, which is on my homepage. That’s how St. Felicia was born.

Jess: You are also a priestess?

Alexis: Yes.

Jess: It kind of evolved together. I know you found out some interesting information– I want to say 6 months ago, 9 months ago?

Alexis: Yeah. It was a little bit ago. I actually found out that St. Felicia is an actual saint. Somewhere in Italy, the Catholic Church had a saint in every nook and cranny but that’s how my people roll. We just shove them in all the weirdest places like our Lady of Guadalupe. I’m pretty sure there is our Lady of Fresca somewhere in the world. It turns out that St. Felicia was an actual saint. She has a church dedicated to her. I think she was a nun or abbot, which is ironic because I called myself an abbot for a really long time. She has a little church somewhere in Italy.

Jess: I love it. It is perfect because you do so much spiritual work. It all fits perfectly. It is like this perfect little puzzle that just came together.

Alexis: It is kind of weird because I jokingly called myself an abbot because I’d sound like a really small population is doing that because abbots only exist in the Christian tradition and in the Buddhist tradition. He didn’t like the word priestess at first. It kind of landed on me funny. Recently, I started putting that witch hat and seeing how that fits. I’ve had a on-off again secretly low spirituality and my spiritual work.

Jess: I know you have a different tradition than what a lot of people associate when they hear witch or priestess or– A lot of that is private so you don’t have to share anything that’s in the private corner. Is there anything you want to say about your spiritual path or anything that is consumable?

Alexis: It is funny because my first exposure to non-monotheistic tradition was when I was pretty young– I was 13 or 14. There is a whole funny and ridiculous story with that. If you had told me at the time what path I would end up on, I would have listed you where I am at because in 2014 I converted to [unintelligible]. I am obviously not a white person and that is one of the whitest traditions I could possibly go with. We do have a white nationalist problem.

I converted to hedonism in 2014 and I am also an avid practitioner of magic and various schools of thought. Honestly, my hedonist values have probably influenced my activism than political work more than people realize. The 9 noble virtues of hedonism have really informed my ethical functioning in the world. It is actually more peaceful and more centering than a lot of people might assume, right off the bat because there are a lot of assumptions about most culture and most spiritual and philosophical values that don’t necessarily translate to what most of us consume in history. That has really heavily influenced my practice.

Reconnecting with voodoo which is a form Judea-Christian magic that is localized to the south, which came out of the practices of slaves especially slaves intermixing with poor bonded laborers but also Native Americans. That has deepened my understanding of the world, sprinkle Buddhist on top.

 

ETHICS, SPIRITUALITY, AND MAGIC

Jess: I’m curious– I know your values are truth, liberation, and justice. I think I messed up the order. From my understanding, those are heavily influenced by your spiritual practice. You just mentioned how much that has influenced you and how you show up in the world. In addition to spirituality and magic, you talk a lot about ethics and business and how we use it all together.

Alexis: Yeah. Part of that is because I never set out to be an entrepreneur or to own my own business. I had to leave home on Christmas 2012 by basically the clothes on my back because my mother–rest her soul– was not in a good place spiritually when my other mother passed. For those of you who don’t know, I was raised by two white older lesbian women. My story is very complicated but I left home Christmas 2012. I can’t drive because I have a genetic migraine condition so it is not legally nebulous for me to drive. Technically do it but I don’t. Place my bets.

I can’t drive and I was in industrial nowhere in Stewart, Florida living with my dear friend Shay in this tiny little bedroom in a boat yard. Our house was attached to a boat yard. There wasn’t really an opportunity for me to get a normal job. By this point, I was still in school and I hadn’t finished my degree. I had no money or anyway to get access to capital. I just so happened to have picked up taro shortly after my first parent–Charlotte– passed away.

I had taught myself. I started doing readings for money because what the fuck else would I do? I was hustling doing that. I hate that word– hustle. I was washing dishes at the local sub shop. I was also doing work as a virtual assistant because I knew a lot of technical weird stuff. When I was in college, I happened to work in the IT department of this little women’s college.

Let me tell you when the Internet goes down during finals week it teaches you things about life and patience. I was well equipped to this VA work because not only was I honing my empathy but I had the people skills and technical skills. From that I grew into an online business manager. I ended up while I was living in Flint–hellish places on Earth– was working as a sex worker doing business for people because why not while also doing spiritual work.

From that experience and dealing with clients and kind of getting into the muck of business stuff and constantly being in these business space, they kneaded together like a weird topical hydra. I was like, “You know? All of this shit is fucked up.” Can we talk about this? Kelly introduced me to Desiree and then my life went– in a good way. It just kneaded together and then it took a life of its own. One thing I noted early on was that there is a conspicuous lack of destruction about ethics. There is a whole lot of hot air shit-talking about values and community.

[laughter]

Sydney: If you are listening and not watching, there is a bunch of big fake winks going on in the video right now and it is fake.

Alexis: It’s like ‘Wink. Wink. Nudge. Nudge. Freedom, right.’ ‘Impact’ What they are talking about is coin and I am like, “That is not the be all, end all. Not to mention, can we talk about X, Y, Z. And I am also black, queer, and disabled. I hear none of you discussing about it in your fucked-up spiritual rhetoric. Can we have a conversation?” That’s how I have humbled in. I have always been political. I’ve been semi-serious spiritual and it has kind of just hit each other like a tornado.

Jess: Well, I am glad it did. What would you–just pick one thing. I know there is like a gazillion thing– but if you just had to pick one thing in this space, in this industry that really needs that ethical discussion, that really needs to brought up to the forefront of everybody’s minds, what would that be?

Alexis: I am going to cheat and I am going to pick two things because they are related and I do I want.

Jess: I don’t think you follow the directions.

Alexis: Nobody has expected me to follow directions. I even got into my Honors College program by not following directions. Ironically enough. It would be the concept of self-worth and tangential to that is ethical resource management. When I say resource, I just don’t mean money. It drives me up a wall that we associate resources purely with capital. That’s not the case.

If we take the fluffy bunnies out of the word, the abundance is all around us. We have to preserve that abundance. It is not going to work like that. If anything, human beings are ticked and we suck Mother Earth. We can’t just assume all of this is going to regenerate without any sort of care and management on our part. If a species gets into an ecosystem where it is not supposed to be and it is out of control, that’s abundance but it is not good abundance. Cancer is abundance but it is not good abundance.

We have to learn how to manage our resources and take care of them. That includes one another, our time, our boundaries, our energy our focus, our attention, our wealth capital, and wealth and materials in other ways. That also includes just air. Like can we not choke ourselves to death. Or drown ourselves because we can’t get it together.

Jess: All our coasts and cities just get wiped off the map.

Alexis: What are we doing? What is this? There are some spiritual theories about the self-destruction and the global suicidal psychic ideation crap– I am not going to get into that. But this mismanagement of all these resources boils down to not attending to our own self-worth and also our self-actualization that we can take care of one another. We can see each other as whole and interact with each other in a mutual respectful way and in a way that supports the planet because we are fucked without her. It is both of those things.

I hear the ‘gimme me gimme me’ and a lot of the ‘what can I extract from you?’ It is not necessarily money. It is attention, money, spiritual investment. Some of these spiritual figures have become kind of cultish and it is like, “Can we have a conversation about why this is unhealthy?” It is very pull. It is very reciprocal– my hand gestures are awkward– it is a mutually extractive relationship because a lot of people are feeding on the wounds of people that are trying to extract money and resources. They are projecting their insecurities and fears and they latch on to this person.

It becomes this mutually vicious, toxic cycle where you have two very wounded parties for different reasons feeding on one another– cannibalism. I don’t think people realize that they are engaged when they get into these toxic relationships, even if it is a distance one, that it is cannibalistic. You are eating yourself as you are eating the person in one form or another.

Jess: That’s a huge thing.

Sydney: How can we hold people who are in the position to make changes on a broad scale accountable for this? I think you segway into your conversation about your article about a particular hustlepreneur guy. I think what you are saying is a 100% true and who’s in the best position to change that and change that quickly? White bros. How do we get them to do that? Can we get them to do that? Am I the only one thinking that alone in a silo? Or is that where your head’s at as well?

Alexis: I might wound a whole bunch of white women in your audience– I’m sorry– Prepare yourselves for what I am about to say. In terms of just liberation for marginalized identities, I personally feel that if you are a dominant identity of any sort of people who are oppressed. The best thing you can do is get the fuck out of the way. That is the be all, end all. Destroy what you built then get the fuck out the way.

That’s like a Buddhist– in this essence where you are attached to being in the thing or doing the thing and the emotional validation of the thing. The goal is to not be attached to it. I think this where my specific meddling with race and the center section. Where I see white people struggling is in this emotional attachment. We as a society struggle with this attachment to this attachment to our emotions which is not the same as honoring and feeling our emotions. There’s an attachment there and you need to detach yourself. In terms of tech bros, if they wanted to, they would have done it already. They are going to be dragged kicking and screaming possibly to a guillotine if you talk to some of my Communist comrades–bloody fantasies in the corner, to progress whether they like it or not.

Until we get to a place where we don’t have to drag as many people, which will take a while, it is what it is. I think a lot of it is detaching from money. A lot of it is investing. If you have wealth–unfortunately Socialist societies do economically better for everybody–it’s not just for the wealthiest percent of the percent. It is for everyone. Part of that is wealth and resources division.  A lot of it is dismantling this fucked up notion that all hard work is virtuous. I have written about this before that there is this notion that hard work is inherently virtuous. That’s really good for you. But is it really though?

Jess: Some really deep roots in prosperity gospel.

Alexis: Yeah. Our fucked up Puritanical right wing genocidal group to this country too– it has that very prosperity gospel– pull yourself up by your boot straps. You are your own universe. You create your own reality. It is an illusion. It is nonsense. I hate to burst people’s self-deification and self-brutality bubble but it is a web. I could get off to another spiritual lecture. We are all in this shit together. Just because you happen to have a row boat and somebody else is in the river, doesn’t mean that you are not on the same planet. You just happen to have a rowboat fucker.

Jess: Even if we entertain that notion that I am the only part of the universe–which is fine. I’m not dogging on anyone’s beliefs but that means you are also me. In that sense, why won’t we fucking take care of each other?

Alexis: Which ironically is so — I’ll be Western-bastardized, forgive me– the core essence of Buddhism- myself is yourself. We are in this together. Everybody is an extension of life itself. Universal energy. God. However, you want to put it. Just because you are in a rowboat unlike somebody else in the river doesn’t mean–

Jess: Don’t just row on by.

Alexis: Row over there. There are a couple people that I would row on by but that is an entirely separate conversation but no moral failing on my part because I have perfected love and kindness in my heart and soul. I am a human.

Jess: Oh, the humanity.

[laughter]

 

WEALTH DOES NOT PROTECT YOU

Alexis: I think until we can start centering that and looking at resources in terms of the wealth that we are creating before everybody, not just the wealth earning for ourselves, we are not going to get anywhere. Also, I have this epiphany that well is we + hell so if you are all sick as fuck– what do you have? You have nothing. Money isn’t going to save you when the planet is on ire. I mean, it might for a little bit but then the poor people are going to have an uprising–

Jess: And then you are dragged kicking and screaming to the guillotine that your friends in the corner want

Alexis: It’s like look at history.

Jess: Wealth does not protect you.

Alexis: Wealth does not protect you from the social sins– not the Christian sins. I think people forget that. I think they assume that if there is a level of inflation that ‘I won’t have to deal with the poor’ You can tell I am in a mood today’

Jess: I am so glad that you came to play. That makes me so happy. Going back to Sydney’s question for a second, –I don’t remember how you asked it either–

Sydney: I don’t either.

Jess: I don’t fucking remember what she said. You mentioned the part about hurting people’s feelings.

Alexis: We are actively in the process of building the future. One of the things I have been struggling with in my own personal space is that first of that time doesn’t really exist. It is an artificial human construct. But the future is now. While we are living in the present right now, we are creating the future.

A lot of what we are doing right now in terms of dismantling we also have to be deciding what comes after the fall. Honestly if you are a dominant class person, you should probably shouldn’t have a say in that. Me included because I am cisgender and relatively able bodied and full capacity. We are sort of — not good.

Jess: You and I have had this conversation a million times and we are still asking. For everyone who is listening who doesn’t have the full context that we have– does that mean that there is a spectrum of who is allowed to do what because that can feel like we are just flipping roles?

Alexis: I understand what you are saying and I am not doing a job at articulating this.

Jess: Oh, no you are doing an excellent job. I just want to take it a step further.

Alexis: We need to center and amplify voices that have been otherwise been marginalized, experiences that have been otherwise marginalized. The health of the society can be determined by those who are on its edges or who are most vulnerable. Until we can get to a place where all children– in my work I center black children. I think it is for the future for black children, for all children. But black children especially.

Until we can get to a place where we are centering the most vulnerable among us and building our societies to support them and to support in the sort of gap or hard places–until we have a society that does that where those people are the most important, everything is going to be a trash fire. I think it is important for people to remember that and to be centered themselves and to reallocate the resources, the social capital, the power that they have to those voices until we can get to that point. So, if you are a white woman, you should be decentering yourself from these conversations, placing black women at your center and asking them what they need. ‘How can we support you? What support do you need?’

Honestly, right now unfortunately the best resources is wealth. Actually, taking the money out your purse and handing it to the nearest marginalized person near you until we have some sort of community responsibility when it comes to effort and fixing our cluster fuck economics theory and dismantling capitalism, which is terrorism.

There is only so much individual people can do. It is a collective issue. You all got to get together and harass your local Congressman and be like, “Hey Jerry. What’s up? How about those reparations?” That is only going to happen– I am speaking purely for race because that is my biggest primary expertise–if we all get together like ‘Hey Congressman. How about those reparations.’, we might throw out a check.

Jess: I love your facial expressions.

Alexis: You got to get on it. Obviously, it can be individuals right now but we all got to get together and collectively resign that power. We have to collectively resign things being binary gender or things being inaccessible to people who are disabled. We have to collectively resign ideas about productivity and values of human life based on ability. We have to do all of this investment and shedding. Individuals doing that is one thing but it has to be a group decision. This is what we are building towards. I don’t know if that is a clear answer.

Jess: That was an excellent answer. I’m sure you hear it all the time— that is one of the biggest things that we hear from white people, who are either trying to figure it out–to use Staci’s term, unravel this shit like our show unfuck this shit– and from people who aren’t. It’s like that flips it and turns it the other way and I get it. I think it is really important that we talk further about that and acknowledge what does it actually mean and is it flipping or is it bring up and equalizing. It can feel–I know there is a quote but I don’t know what it is– like you are used to having the majority.

 

EQUALITY IS NOT PIE

Alexis: Equality. Yeah.

Sydney: It feels a lot like a profession. There’s another one that was like– I’m going to butcher it– but equal rights are for everybody. It’s not pie. Everyone can have it.

Alexis: You can always have another pie. You can find the ingredients somewhere for fucking pie. You might end up grinding some things if you get real desperate but you can always make another pie. Except for planet Earth. We can’t make another planet Earth. But for everything else, we can figure out how to hobble together another pie. It might not be safely but we can get the job done.

Jess: If we can just agree that everyone deserves a piece of the pie.

Alexis: Correct. There are interesting questions about mediating between Democratic socialism and Communism and I am not nearly versed in economic theory to wade into those waters. There are interesting questions about that and what resource allocation looks like. One of the things that I have noticed is that there is a lot of white people who are perfectly content with giving other types of resources except for the resources that matter.

They are willing to give up their attention a little bit or their time maybe here or there. But when it comes to the actual concrete resources the ones where all the power is embodied and manifested– it’s like ‘No. I’m going to keep this dollar. You all have fun though.’ I’ll say ‘Black Lived Matter’ on the Internet but when you ask me for a dollar, I’ll say “No I don’t have a dollar. Nothing.’

That’s the problem too. It builds into our consumer capitalist culture where we are very emotionally attached to objects and to money. We don’t realize that money is a social construction.

Jess: There is literally nothing backing it.

Sydney: We are creating hours in the day for pieces of paper. When it could be forged into nickels and dimes and quarters. It is a construct too that is stupid. We hoard paper, literally. We hoard paper and we put it in a building to keep it safe. If you want to break down what the fuck money is. It is so dumb.

Alexis: The deeper original roots of currency are far more sacred and interesting than the clusterfuck we have now including this point. Your cryptocurrency is not going to overthrow the government. You all get hyper-robbery by trolls on the Internet. You don’t have a viable alternative. Time out. Bullshit. When we talk about manifest power, which is food and healthcare and shelter and all these manifestations power, which is life force, people are willing to part with that.

Jess: Those are all things that we have a material abundance of and we hoard them.

 

EGO VS EQUALITY

Alexis: Or we waste them in really egregious and disgusting ways. It’s in part of that and not living in tandem with the planet and not attaching that wealth to the land itself. We fight over the land, which is interesting. So much land has been lost due to territorial disputes like holy shit. When we get into those conversation– can you really own land? Is that actually possible? Is that real or is that an illusion?

Theoretically, it is an illusion because I might get shot trying to get over the wall when I could theoretically hop over the wall and here I am. What are you going to do?  Which is ironically tied to squatters’ rights. When we talk about these things, we talk about illusions that don’t actually exist. People are so emotionally attached to that shit.

That’s why we are not making progress because not enough people are learning to detach themselves in their identity and their ego and their self-worth and their self-actualization from these illusionary, external communal things that exist in all of us and belong to all of us that we all need in equal measures in theory. Food water whatever. Humans are stupid and silly. Well, not stupid– silly. I don’t like ableism.

Jess: I think I want to take 5 seconds– 5 minutes max– and talk about this hustlepreneur guy because he is not the point. He is an example of what we are talking about and this capitalism is terrorism article that you wrote which was amazing and broke our part of the Internet which is awesome. Take the floor. Tell us about that.

Alexis: Oh lord. Hi Gary, if you happen to watch this. Hello.

Jess: Hi Gary.

Sydney: Bye Gary.

Alexis: Or who is your people. I’m pretty sure this will find its way in your inbox. So, Gary V. wrote this essay on Medium. The first time I read it, I was hanging out with a friend and had a really great night at her comedy show which was fabulous and we just in a great mood. I was sitting in her living room on my phone reading this essay trying not to crack up because it was read in this self-indulgent Silicon Valley bro shit. Hi Gary, not personal.

Jess: That’s actually really important like when we are talking about this stuff– these are a manifestation of what we are talking about. It is not personal.

Alexis: Right. It could have been anybody who wrote this and I would still feel the exact same way. There is no attachment to the individual person. I’m reading this essay and I read it again and I’m like, “Wait a minute. Spider senses are tingling. Social justice Spider-Man.” So like half of us fit here. I mean the third time I’m like “No. No. No. This is really gross.” I believe the word I used at the time was sociopathic, which might have been a little heavy handed. Hi Gary.

[laughter]

Alexis: I read it the third time and I am like No this isn’t funny. This is a hymn to terrorism because capitalism is terrorism. I realize a whole bunch of bros probably feel out their chairs and lost their wigs.

Jess: But there are all the reasons we just talked about and so many more.

Alexis: They are all probably just falling out of their chairs right now because ‘How dare I?’ The capitalism is terrorism because it terrorizes the weakest among us. Those of us who have the least or those of us who don’t conform the sensible bullshit of value. I am reading this and I am like, “I can’t satirize evil. There is no such thing as satirized Nazism, for fuck sake.”

I was fully prepared to write a satire because I wanted to be funny. That’s how I deal with life– with laughter. If I didn’t, I’d be sobbing in the corner, which I do sometimes on a regular basis. Regardless, I digress. I sat down and the spirit took over me. I had no thought of this man laying his eyes ever. I send it out into the world and it explodes.

Sydney: Sorry for my part in that but I am not sorry at all.

Jess: Aren’t you glad you turned on those comments?

Alexis: It took off with its little wings and I start getting various points of feedback. I was praying to Mother Mary that I didn’t get into people’s comment sections because people were assuming it was personal. I was like, “Can you not read? It is not personal. It is not about him fuckers.” I felt so emotionally exhausted so I decided to take a nap. I went to take a nap and I woke up and Gary was in my inbox. I was like–

Sydney: Wait a damn minute.

Alexis: What are you doing, baby? Why are you bothering me? What are you doing? Why are you here? Hi Gary. He initially commented– I have the verbatim comment somewhere– but he opened up about this bit of his feelings, I was like, “It’s not about you. Why do all these people, including you, assume this is personal? Are you really that egoic?” It’s always these white dudes for the most part. They always assume it is always about them.

I’m like, “It is not about you personally. Go put your ego in the corner. Give it a time out.” He comments, “Oh, I would love to share a meal or whatever.” I’m going to be real that 90% he was bluffing. He kind of doing it for the cookies like ‘Oh, I am being nice to my haters before it blows up.’ He recently had that ‘Shay moisture’ debacle. He comments and I’m like, “Yeah. Sure. Let’s do that. Let’s have dinner.” I’m the fancy veg now and I have a team because I have gotten to that glow-up place in my life.

I had to send him an email–one of us did– we went back and forth with him and his assistant. He sent me a heart emoji and it was really awkward. I was like, “Gary, can you not send me heart emojis? I don’t know you like that. Keep your feels over there– this is surely business.” We had scheduled a dinner for August 3rd, which was the 1-year anniversary of my mother’s suicide.

So, I was getting ready to suit up to go to this god-awful fucking dinner, if I am being really honest, with this man. But alas, Gary has a habit of treating his time like it is more important than everybody else’s. So, about a week before we were supposed to do this dinner, we still didn’t have a time. I said to Danny, “Hey, can you do me a favor please and thank you–” I say please and thank you even though she works for me. I was like, “Can you send an email to Gary and his minions and let them know that if they don’t have a time by end of the day Monday, I’m not showing. That’s all motherfuckers.” I’m important too.

Jess: It’s basically respect, though.

Alexis: Don’t leave me hanging almost a week before an event. I know you are busy but you are not that busy and you literally pay someone to manage your calendar, sir. Tick tock. We all got lives. Lo and behold, we got an email from his assistant: Unfortunately, Gary is not going to be in town. We have yet to reschedule. Honestly, I’m tired. I got myself a really adorable dress, some cat pasties because– that is a whole other story. That sounds inappropriate out of context.

Jess: A little.

Alexis: I’m going to make a throwback 70s statement with my cat pasties. At this point, I am tired. He irritates me. He’s so entitled. He felt entitled to even make a gesture at m time. I’m at a point where I don’t want to deal with this shit anymore. It has destroyed several relationships that mean a lot to me, through my own doing but nonetheless. It kind of set a bomb in my life and a whole bunch of fuckery. All I have learned from this is that white men are a pain in the butt and my time is more valuable than Gary’s.

Jess: That’s quotable.

[laughter]

Alexis: The essay itself wasn’t a complete loss. It ended up having a great conversation with another Silicon Valley bro type. He ended up making a mega donation to one of the organizations I sent him to so it was really great. [Gary] is not going to be relevant in 5 years, let alone 20 years. This man talks so much shit about Legacy. Dude, what are you doing? Is anybody going to remember? Are books going to be relevant in 20 years? The only thing relevant that man has done is he gave Uber money and gave Twitter money and look at the disaster that has spun out of that bullshit.

Twitter is just a haven for sexist, racist, trolls– He is the manifest of the United States if we are going to be real. Uber, which is a trash fire, that St. John is trying to rescue. She is the only person that could rescue that brand by the way. I’m going to say that on the record. I’m going to have a phone call if you want to talk to me on the phone. Other than that, I’m not feeding him. No, I’m good. That was a good exercise of my ego but no. I’m too good for that.

Jess: Can I just add on that for a second? Email people back. Be respectful of people’s time and energy. This is basic respect.

Sydney: Don’t engage if you are not going to follow through. I want to caveat that and say don’t engage if you are not going to follow through because when you get to a certain point you can’t manage that many people buying for your time. I will give him that much credit. He’s super busy. I get it. I don’t want to say– good for you dude. You are super busy with all the shit you are doing that people like me don’t give a fuck about.

Also, don’t engage with people if you are not going to follow through. Finish it up. If you don’t want to have dinner–I’m sure it was a business thing that fell through so I am not taking it personally. I’m sure he is the hot shit, unlike some people. I was kind of annoyed like how would you not know a week out? It seemed just really out of character for someone who manages his schedule the way he does.

So many people get flack for being keyboard trolls but honestly if you threaten my physical safety or make trollish threats at me–if somebody wants to have a phone conversation with me because he vehemently disagrees with me or I have critiqued them in public in any sort of professional capacity, I am willing to have that conversation. That’s one of my hedonist virtues. You don’t throw a spear unless you are willing to catch a spear back.

 

QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Sydney: Let’s transition to some questions–shall we?

Alexis: Sure. I like questions. Questions are fun.

Sydney: We are adding a new one for all of those who have been with us for the first how many episodes? Episode 5 we said. If you have been here for the first 3 sections of this unnamed segment–I think we will name it next week, let’s do that for the episode– question 1, new question. What are you currently unfucking in your own life?

Alexis: Self-worth. My relationship with my daily departed mother and grief really. In the storm of all of this stuff we have been talking about, I have been grieving a suicide of someone who was in a tremendous amount of pain who caused me a tremendous amount of pain. I have been semipublic with that in terms of my writing but a lot of it I haven’t really been doing. I have been doing a lot of work on that beyond closed doors.

Sydney: These next one–kind of going first things that coms to your mind and for the first question in particular– what or who are you reading right now? It doesn’t have to be a book. If it is just somebody who writes online who is not a published hold in your hand–okay Healing Wisdom of Africa–

Alexis: –by Malidoma Patrice Some, fucking revolutionizing my spiritual life. I am also reading Emergence Strategies and I am revisiting Octavia Butler’s Parable of — because I read multiple books at once. I am also really enjoying Bella’s blog.

Jess: Bella is amazing. Alright. I’m actually glad you were prepared for that–actually brought the book. That’s fun. The next question is what brings you joy?

Alexis: My default answer is being of service because I am self-sacrificing in dealing with all that messy business. Really, it’s art and being seen and heard fully and helping other people being seen and heard fully. And also, just throwing shit. Not going to lie, it turns me on just to cause problems like good problems, not destructive problems.

Sydney: Problems that should be caused to further the advancement of this race that we all blame at some point.

Alexis: Yeah and magic.

Jess: Sydney is unfucking her words.

[laughter]

Jess: We also have to note that we are recording this 6 hours later than usual– 5 hours so we are a little more–

Alexis: boost and open?

Sydney: Not as sharp on my end?

Jess: The sun has gone down.

Sydney: Next question– what scares you Alexis?

Alexis: My dysfunctional answer is not being enough. My healthy ego answer is not appreciating enough and I worry quite a lot of the people in my life and in my space, some I am very close with. Others, I really appreciate and admire from a distance. I want them to know how appreciated and genuinely cherished I find them and just even weirdly extends to people I find utterly detestable because they help me clarify what I find to be detestable. I feel like appreciation doesn’t have to be sympathetic or empathetic. I don’t like this. Thank you for telling me. I don’t like this. That is the vantage that I take there. Making people know:

Jess: I like that you differentiate between the unhealthy and the healthy answer there because that’s the ongoing process for all of us.

Alexis: Yeah. For sure.

Jess: Final question– what words of wisdom do you want to put out into the world?

Alexis: There are not my words–I actually don’t have enough– it’s a quote and it is St. Augustine who is a clusterfuck. All of the saints except for a handful. But the quote is “Salvador, amulando. It is solved by walking.” That is the quote that I have one my services page but it is also one that I live by, ironically enough. I live by it before I heard it. I heard it and was like oh yes. F- you St. Augustine.

I understand what you saying here and it really is all about that movement and moving forward and having the resilience to continue. Sometimes, continuing means resting and I think we confuse resting with stopping. Damn, capitalist society. It is constantly looking for more empathy. There is always space to make more space for everyone and ourselves.

Jess: You just dropped your own quote too.

Alexis: That’s the words of wisdom I share. There’s always space and keep walking

Jess: Perfect. So where can people find more about you? I know you are reworking your offering right now.

Alexis: My website is a trashfire which is– beautifully designed which I did it myself– my website is being envisioned and reworked a bit. But you can find me at thechurchofsaintfelicia.com. My writing is on my personal Facebook page– I am more likely to add you if we have lots of mutual friends in common and it is the cool people because I trust the cool people. You can follow me or attempt to add me on the Facebook, which is where I do a lot of my writing because I’m stage shy, which is hilarious given today.

You can also find me on Medium at alexmorgan if you want to follow me. I drop things on there and if you go on my website you can subscribe to my newsletter. When my website isn’t a trashfire , you can hire me–you can also hide me too if you feel like it– as a fortune telling consulant. I might change the name of that– I read taro, I read cards, I read all the things. I also do magical services and ritual work — I don’t like the word healing because it freaks me out– but I do transformational work with people and I also do actual, real magic not like stage magic or the craft magic.

Jess: I think we need a separate episode just to talk about what the fuck is magic. Sydney, can we do that?

Sydney: Yeah like what is stage magic, card tricks and shit and then we would be like, “That’s not what we are talking about today. Here’s Alexis with a dictionary.”

Alexis: I probably set the magic and cult community on fire because there are varying divergent perspectives on what is magic

Jess: So we will do ‘What is magic? — according to all three of us?

Alexis: That works. We can do that. That feels safe. That would bring out the trolls that have magic wands and threaten us. But yeah, I do magic and shit. You can also buy t-shirts and stuff from my OBM who — we are in the process of resurrecting all of my designs

Sydney: This is like 2016 line– the fall line.

Alexis: It’s exclusive. Real exclusive. But you can buy ‘Grown men don’t catcall. That’s patriarchy.’ Got to get in there.

Jess: That one was in my Christmas list. I didn’t receive it.

Alexis: That’s what I do and all the places where I am causing trouble.

Sydney: That’s exciting. Thank you for being here. It’s been so lovely and you are gorgeous.

Alexis: Yeah. I am super thrilled to be here and to have the presence of mine to say my own message. It was great to be on and come after Desiree and what a nice introduction you gave me.

Sydney: You did. You killed it.

Jess: She did.

Sydney: Great job setting this up for us so thank you, Desiree for your beautiful introduction on Alexis. Thank you, Alexis, for being here. Next week, it’s just me and Jess. So however, many episodes, this time we are saying it is every 5 episodes– maybe it is every 6 episodes– not sure. It’s going to jam about what our guests have been talking about what they have taught us, where we think the world is going and whatever we are fired up about. SO that’s next week it’s going to be me and Jess throwing down. We got new episodes every Tuesday so stick around and check us out. Maybe share this with a friend who needs it.

[music]

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