Today, Jess Sells Wertman and I are ending the Unfuck Yourself show. And in doing so, I have a bunch of thoughts:
1. Having a partner in crime to challenge you, professionally, creatively, etc is EVERYTHING. Jess and I both had big fears about being on camera. We fucked around for an HOUR before recording our first episode because we were so nervous. But we pumped each other up and got the first one out of the way, and the rest were SO EASY.
2. Being 100% open and honest with your partners (business, romantic, creative, etc) is the only way to make it through a project (or life) alive. Seriously. At every single turn, Jess and I would take each other’s pulses. This was something I learned as a competitive skydiver, actually. When one teammate is uncomfortable with the conditions, the whole team stands down. Jess and I were very good about giving each other the space to say we needed to take a break, while also not letting each other slide back into our fears around being seen and being visible.
3. Jess is a fucking magician. Seriously. I want to make one thing perfectly fucking clear here: I love the shit out of Jess. She’s insanely talented, wildly intuitive, and when she brings the fire, you can’t help but want to be a better version of yourself. If you are at all interested in the intersections of business, body, and being, Jess should be your #1 resource for this kind of work. She’s a fucking ETHICS PROFESSOR for fuck’s sake, and she’s modeling how this work can be done in a way that feels really fucking good, not icky.
4. I love being on camera. I fucking love it. I love every single second of it and I want more of it. To say that here feels so weird, so self-centered, so, idk, basic? It’s so fucked that I’m conditioned to believe that declaring that I love being on camera makes me a narcissist, but that’s the world we are living in, where wanting to be visible, have a platform, and make a difference can get you into hot water, fast.
5. When you are honest with yourself and actively make decisions that steer you in the direction of your dreams/bliss/goals, the Universe responds pretty fucking quickly. Since we determined we wanted to stop production with Unfuck Yourself last night, Jess has secured a new consulting client and I was introduced to a woman who could very well be a change agent in this next chapter of my life.
What we thought might be “our next big thing” turned out to be a healing journey, and having the self-awareness to not keep going down a path that wasn’t serving our best interests, and to be able to do it peacefully, without either of us feeling a single shred of negativity toward the project? That will be one of the greatest gifts of my lifetime.
Jess, thank you. Thank you for seeing me, pushing me, supporting me, encouraging me, and giving me a swift kick in the ass to embark on this journey with you.
As for what’s next for me? 2018 is my Year of Creative Exploration so we’ll see what that ends up looking like, but I’m starting with photography and improv.