I stepped on the scale today and now weigh less than I did when Barry and I got married. I don’t use this as a marker of success or as a measure of my worth, but as an indicator of the lies I’ve been telling myself for most of my life.
Present day, I’m not the smallest I’ve ever been, but I am the kindest to myself I’ve ever been.
And as a result, I’m now loving this same body that I hated at similar and smaller sizes.
I’m seeing that no, I’m not fat, despite what boys, girls, coaches, bosses, grown-ass men, and grown-ass women have told me at various points in my life. And even if I gain back all the weight I’ve lost and then some, at least now I know that the size of my body and the value I can bring to this planet are not mutually exclusive, and more importantly, they never have been.
Which got me thinking, what other bullshit have I been telling myself and accepting as truth?
That I’m stupid? Well, I have a lot to learn, but I’m certainly not stupid.
That I’m a bad person? Well, I’m always striving to be the best human I can be, and I have room to grow in a lot of areas, but I’m certainly not a bad person.
Now that I’ve identified some shitty stories I’ve been telling myself, I’m starting to dig into who/what told me those stories to begin with AND identify how I can play a role in stopping those harmful messages for the future young folks in this country. More on that in another post soon.
Once again, Diabetes brings me some lessons that I’ve been trying to learn my whole life.
I truly do believe this disease is the best thing that ever happened to me.