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Diabetes Documentary Diary: Part 2

I’ve been told for most of my life that I’m too much or not enough. It’s exhausting to keep track of.

Too fat / not skinny enough.

Too smart / not sexy enough.

Too opinionated.

Too motivated.

Too loud.

Not pretty enough.

At times I feel rough around the edges. I’ve seen some shit. I do my best to be as positive as I can, and usually, I succeed, but sometimes I don’t.

I did a “future self/inner mentor” meditation in 2015 that rearranged the stars for me. In this visualization, I met future me, 20 years older than I was at the time (30). 50-year-old me welcomed me into my oceanfront property in San Diego, offered me cucumber water upon entry, and led me to a desk facing the ocean, where she (I) had written many books, including her (my) NYT Bestseller memoir.

Her whole aura was one of floating. She moved effortlessly through this incredible home as if she were floating. Her style was light and breezy, her hair was light and breezy, and she was in the best shape of her life.

Future Me in that meditation three years ago had a glow. She was golden.

So when I saw this shot, it took my breath away. This is as close to the Future Me meditation version of myself that I visualized as I’ve ever seen.

Soft. Calm. Thoughtful. Considered. Intentional. Grounded as fuck.

This shot is everything I aspire to be. And since it exists, I guess in some ways, it’s everything I already am.

📸: @thomasvanveen/@documentaryassociates

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