It’s the first Monday after the first leg of my first speaking tour and I’ve tried to write this post 19 times. I keep trying to weave in some level of my struggle to keep it real and hope it’s enough to make you like me, but that’s me on my old shit so here we go, this is my new shit:
I DID THIS. I MADE THIS HAPPEN. THIS IS POSSIBLE BECAUSE I BELIEVED IN MYSELF, BELIEVED IN MY STORY, AND BELIEVED I WAS WORTHY OF TAKING UP SPACE IN A SOCIETY THAT WANTS ME TO STAY SMALL, STAY QUIET, STAY HIDING.
I did this. I reached out, shared my story, shared my truth, and created an opportunity for myself. I’m really proud of that.
And of course this can’t be done in a vacuum without support. So I told my husband what I wanted out of this chapter of life, set a container for how I wanted to achieve it, and trusted that he could show up for me and us, and he did. He showed up every time. I dug deep into my confidence reserves to ask for help, to ask for intros, to ask for resources, to ask for exactly what I want. Because for the first time in my life, I know EXACTLY what I want and trust that with at least one inspired action every day, I will get it.
👑 I spent a lot of time waiting for my tiara. Waiting to be discovered. To be found. To be saved. To be deemed worthy or important or GOOD from anyone else because I couldn’t give that to myself. Now I know I can give that to myself.
Now that I know I can create a life out of thin air, now that I know I am worthy and capable and whole and beautiful and GOOD, everything feels different. I’m not putting up with shit I’ve enabled my entire life. I didn’t realize how many narcissists my need for validation was feeding, but last week I starved two with a hard boundary. That boundary felt like death and grief and loss and despair when I created it. I didn’t think I’d make it to Friday.
Today? Life feels like this image: if only for a moment, my #traumapack is all the way off, the sun is rising on a new day, and everything is possible.
I did this, I’m doing this. And if that is true, what else is true? What else is possible here? For me? For you? For all of us?