After years of wondering how to just be me, I realized I didn’t know who I was. So around this time last year, inspired by a speech my dad gave at Thanksgiving, I got to work trying to find out who Sydney is. What does she actually want? What does she enjoy? How does she nourish herself? How does she move her body? How does she cultivate peace within her body, mind, and spirit? And who can she help? What has she been through that can help someone?
I thought maybe a career shift would help me find it. Maybe a redefinition of who I am professionally would open the door to finding out who I am. I wish that were true for me, but it wasn’t. So I had to burn it all down, strip away every layer, and get to the absolute center of my spirit.
This choice, to figure out who I am by stripping away everything I’m not, has presented some challenges. I’ve had to completely step away from a 12+ year career and re-evaluate what I actually enjoy doing, not just an assessment of the skills I’ve developed to survive. I’ve had to completely step away from a handful of relationships that have been holding me back in order to keep my sanity in check while I do this work. I’ve had to make hard choices about how I want to live, how I want to make money, and how I want to show up in the world. There are a lot of parts of me that I have released to make room for the woman I want to become, the woman I am becoming, and the woman I currently am.
All of which is to say, this past week was full of so much beauty and so much pain. Loss and grief for old stories, old lives, old loves, and old relationships. Love and light illuminating the creation of new memories, new sacred bonds, new connections.
It’s hard to know which way is up sometimes, but as long as we keep putting one foot in front of the other, everything is okay. It might be hard, and that is okay. It might be deliciously easy, and that is okay. It can be hard and easy and okay, all at the same time.
📸 Adventure Buddy for Life, Barry