My adaptability is a survival mechanism. If what you see today is completely unrecognizable, good. Honestly, why would I want to stay the same? Why would I want to be sick, unhappy, diseased, stressed out, unfulfilled, hiding, and miserable? Why would you?
My adaptability has kept me safe, alive, surviving. What you may have seen for the first 30 years of my life was straight survival.
Hiding my gifts to make others more comfortable.
Navigating communication of my basic needs so as to not get yelled at for asking a question.
Dulling my shine because I was under the impression there was only one spotlight available at a time, and it just wasn’t my time to shine yet.
We don’t need a spotlight, because we can shine on our own. We’ve been conditioned to think we need a spotlight, or that someone will come place a tiara on our head and FINALLY deem us worthy.
Getting to the place of realizing you can be your own spotlight is hard. So if you’re still looking for a spotlight, know that there is endless light available to you. If you haven’t found your light yet, it’s likely because you, like me, had carved a life out of the expectations of others, finding the path of least resistance, just to stay alive. It’s really dark when you’re pursuing dreams that aren’t yours, living a life that is tinted with the projections of others. That stuff is thick and hard for the light to get through.
If you see or feel the light, whether that’s a hug from an old friend, the earth-shattering realness of brand new friends who seamlessly fit into your life, lyrics to a song that just GET YOU, a new book, a gorgeous sunset, or whatever it is that comes into your life and allows you to exhale, do that. Run towards it.
They say in movies that when you see the light, you’re near the end. That’s a lie to keep you playing small.
It’s not the end of your life, it’s the beginning.
📸 #vanlife co-captain, Barry